I want to share with the world my near-relaxation experience. You’ve seen articles and books by people who have had near-death experiences, right? Their hearts stopped for several minutes, they floated several feet above their body in the ER, they saw beautiful bright lights, they experienced such rich unconditional love that they spend the rest of their lives in a state of joy, spreading the news that love is the only important thing.

I personally love reading stuff like that, and I wish to heavens I could be that way. Like really feel that way, know for sure that love is more important than the fact that my three-year-old just tried to put sunblock on the cat. But I keep forgetting.

I am much better now than I was just a couple of months ago, though. And it’s all because of my near-relaxation experience. It happened over spring break, when we were visiting family who are considerate enough to live in Florida, not all that far from Disney World, actually… so that when we visit  our extended family, we also get to bask in the sun, go to the beach, and meet Cinderella. (I am actually one of those people you hear about who loves Disney World. You can be as self-righteous as you want about it, but I say Disney is so successful because they know family entertainment like no one else on the planet, and if you had thought of building a real castle for a fictional fairy tale character,  surrounding it with giant mice who talk and fun rides with tunes that stick in people’s heads for decades, then you’d have a multi-million-dollar business too.)

Anyway. Between Disney World and the beach and the awesome swimming pool at my in-laws’ housing complex, I began to relax. I didn’t know what was happening at first. I just knew I felt happier than usual, and that even when bad things happened (such as when I sustained a cut deep enough to require 4 stitches), I maintained my equanimity. I was not robbed of my joy by my immediate circumstances, even when said circumstances involved an ER. Wow, right?

I felt that maybe it was the sun, the way it lapped against my skin all day, every day, never letting me down the way it does in New York. After a few days of unconditional sun, my body seemed to remember long-gone summers consisting of nothing other than playing warden and freeze tag and kick-the-can; it seemed to forget BlackBerries and conference calls and coffee.

Or maybe it was the dearth of grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. “Where do you want to eat?” was the closest I got to planning a meal, “Did you take down the do not disturb sign?” the closest to cleaning. That, my friends, is deeply relaxing.

“I am a new person,” I promised my husband at the end of our vacation. “A relaxed person. I have achieved vacation mind, and I am taking it back to New York with me this time.” He smiled politely, and waited.

It’s true that things unraveled a bit with time. The first week back in real life, I maintained vacation mind, but only with effort and great longing. I kept saying things like, “Don’t you think we should all start working two weeks a year, and vacationing 50 weeks a year?” No one seemed to hear me. By the second week, freezing in New York, surrounded by other freezing New Yorkers, all of whom were checking their email on their iPhones while running to the subway stop, I felt back to normal. That is, stressed. (That’s why I call it a near-relaxation experience. I think real relaxation is more permanent.)

So how to maintain it? One’s near-relaxation experience? That’s the big question. Because it’s not just me who needs this. They say that 85% of all illnesses are caused by stress. Even if stress hasn’t actually caused a specific illness, I see people around me negotiate their day-to-day stress by trying such methods as extreme caffeine consumption, alcohol, drugs, denial, stopping speaking to their family of origin, hiring childcare workers for sixty hours a week, and good old-fashioned anxiety attacks.

Since my near-relaxation experience, I’ve become better at seeing what interesting little methods I’ve been using to deal with stress, which has helped me to make some changes in my life, which are at least helping me on my journey toward achieving actual relaxation. I didn’t get catapulted to that illusory state, vacation mind, but being even halfway there is a whole lot better than before, when my chosen methods of defense against stress were caffeine, deep denial (“No, I’m fine! I feel great! My eyes always look red like this, it’s hereditary!”), and occasional bouts of crying and promising myself to change. So here goes:

Tara’s Tips for De-stressing:

1) A) Admit that I am stressed, B) decide that I have the right to a life that is not stressed, and C) decide that such a thing is possible.

2) Take 10-15 minutes evert day, at any point possible, to sit on my bed looking out the window at the sky while doing absolutely nothing. Often I end up giving myself a little ThetaHealing during that time, which is like going into a meditative state and changing your feelings and beliefs about things (example: “I’m a terrible mother” to “I give my children unconditional love, which is really all they need”). But I never tell myself, “Time to go sit on the bed and do Theta.” I tell myself “Time to go sit on the bed and look at the sky and do nothing,” and then I do it. The day goes better no matter what happens to me while sitting on the bed. Don’t ask me why.

3) Ban all electronics after 10 pm. This includes the computer and the television set. And anything that starts with an “i,” I’m looking at you, iPhone and iPod and iPad and all your sneaky little friends and relations. (I know, dear reader, your heart just skipped a few beats. I don’t want to ruin your whole life. I’m just telling you what’s helping me.)

4) Get in bed at 10:30 even if it means lying there till 11:30 or 12:00, when I used to go to bed. (Another tough rule. I too love Jon Stewart, who comes on at 11 pm, and my husband has this weird thing for that incredibly depressing show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” which comes on at 10, along with re-runs of “The Family Guy.” I kiss them all goodbye in exchange for 7 hours of sleep, which I promise you feels immeasurably better than 6 hours of sleep and 3 cups of coffee.)

5) Go to the acupuncturist and allow him to stick needles in me that are supposed to de-stress my system. (I know, why can’t my rules be like “Go eat all the ice cream you can hold”!?! Geez.)

That’s what I’m doing so far. It’s going pretty well. I do believe, however, that another vacation in Florida would be extremely helpful. Don’t you agree?

Happy de-stressing, and please share with me on this blog your own Tips for De-Stressing. Thanks.